I have been thinking a lot lately about our peace in God and after a discussion last night in a class John and I are in I felt prompted to pass some encouragement to those of us who might be a little unsettled.
Right now our nation is in a financial turmoil, moral standards are being tested, and we have an election coming up that some people claim could change the course of America. Not that I don’t agree with the last statement as the person who will be in office next might have the power to elect judges that will view the constitution in the light of their morals and values. However, we can and should rest in the peace of God, knowing that in all of this, the world is but a spec in the entire creation of the heavens and earth and the “earth is the Lord’s footstool.” (Isaiah 66:1) We are devoting so much ot our time and energy worrying about the world around up, but GOD is not only our King, but He is our Father, who lavishly LOVES His Children. We have nothing to be afraid of. We are not orphans as my pastor reminded us recently. Here we are worrying about what our 401K might look like or whether we should move to Canada if the candidate we choose does not win the election. This happens every 4 years…we allow fear to come in and dominate our every decision based on an election of an earthly ruler. In the Old Testament, we see where the people were SO desperate to have an earthly king, that God finally gave them what they wanted (1 Samuel 8). It did not turn out to be a pleasant experience and we can see today that that is often the case. As Christians, however, our KING of kings is YAWEH, and we are instructed that “every person is to be in subjection to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and those which exist are established by God. (Romans 13:1) GOD is still our GRACIOUS King. The Bible says that God’s kingdom is everlasting. It is UNSHAKABLE. “Therefore, since we receive a kingdom which cannot be shaken, let us show gratitude, by which we may offer to God an acceptable service with reverence and awe.” (Hebrews 13:28) If you are a Christian, YOU are part of His Kingdom and you can be the peace in the midst of the storm. In these days allow your peace and joy to be what draws others to Christ. The Bible says that the Lord will shake the heavens and the earth. (Hebrews 13:26) One day ALL that we find stable in this life, whether it be the economy or the very ground we walk upon, will one day be shaken and ALL that will stand is the Kingdom of God. If you are part of that kingdom, you are part of this unshakable kingdom, not tossed by the waves as one who doubts (James 1:6) or is hopeless, nor drawn back in fear, for we are VAULABLE to God. (Matthew 10:31) If we look outside of ourselves and remember why we are here…not to live in the world’s securities, but to have the peace of heaven living inside of us, then we will always be prepared for whatever we face because our hope is in the Lord. We can then begin to focus again on the reason we were placed on this earth…and my guess is, that it is not to live the American dream. Matthew 6:33 tells us that if we seek FIRST the Kingdom and His righteousness, all these things (food, clothing, shelter) will be added to us. Our purpose is to first love the Lord our God, seek after Him and his righteousness, and in doing so we become a light on a hill, set apart in our actions, attitudes, and mindsets. We are PRIVELEDGED to have been given the peace of Christ that surpasses understanding. (Phil. 4:7) You might not understand what is going on around you in these times, but rest assured, that GOD DOES; the Alpha and Omega, the everlasting KING over ALL of the earth and heavens!!!! Let that peace guard your heart from fear. Even if there is an earthly “king” in charge, GOD is STILL on HIS throne and NOBODY can vote Him out of office!!!! REST in that my friends!
“He whose mind is stayed on HIM, shall remain in perfect peace, because he trusts in Him.”(Isaiah 26:3)
Grace to You!
Friday, October 17, 2008
Week 6- Finances
Well, this is it…our last week together…for now. I am so glad that you all signed up and that we have all stuck with it. I am so encouraged to see the changes that are happening in marriages and the level of responsibility within our relationships has gone up a notch. I hope that everyone will continue to allow the Lord to grow you up and be the best wife/husband and/or mother/father that He desires us to be.
Last week we discussed finances. We talked about ideas that could help us to manage our money more efficiently like the envelope idea, of putting your grocery, gas, entertainment money in envelopes and once it is gone…it is gone…You can borrow from another envelope such as entertainment for your gas, but for that week…no movie. We also learned about budgeting and Ashley shared with us about a spreadsheet she uses to calculate everything for the month, which maybe she will forward it on to us. Jimmy Evans has said that if you budget and come to agreement about how much to spend on what categories, then it can help resolve further discussions about un-discussed purchases. We also learned from John and Suzanne that we should pay our bills first. We should pay the bills and then whatever money is leftover is for grocery, gas, etc. Also, we should write out our tithes immediately before anything else is deducted so we never fail to give to God what is already His, which brings me to the next principle we learned.
Our money is not ours…it’s God’s. He gave it to us, and He can take it away. We need to strive to be good stewards over our money and honor Him with our purchases and our attitudes toward our money. I have heard before and Max reiterated the point that God wants to give so we will give. He wants the money to just flow through us to do His work. Sure we can pay our bills and provide for our family, but when we find someone in need (which isn’t very hard), or the Lord places it on our hearts to give above our tithes and offerings, we need to be willing to obey Him. He who gives generously will reap generously. (2 Corinthians 9:6) and Proverbs 22:9 says “he who is generous will be blessed.”
Max also brought up the power of compound interest. (I am by no means and expert in this area.) If we invest our money in successful vehicles of return, we will reap a reward later. Just as your credit card purchase of $1000 would take 16 years to pay off if you were just paying a minimum of 2% because of the compounding interest. So, your $1000 would at least double. (Don’t know what the exact figure is.) Your money gain will function the same way. Even though the market is very uneasy right now, as long as the Lord tarries and the market recovers, this will allow our money to grow again. Patience is the key with investing.
Last week we discussed finances. We talked about ideas that could help us to manage our money more efficiently like the envelope idea, of putting your grocery, gas, entertainment money in envelopes and once it is gone…it is gone…You can borrow from another envelope such as entertainment for your gas, but for that week…no movie. We also learned about budgeting and Ashley shared with us about a spreadsheet she uses to calculate everything for the month, which maybe she will forward it on to us. Jimmy Evans has said that if you budget and come to agreement about how much to spend on what categories, then it can help resolve further discussions about un-discussed purchases. We also learned from John and Suzanne that we should pay our bills first. We should pay the bills and then whatever money is leftover is for grocery, gas, etc. Also, we should write out our tithes immediately before anything else is deducted so we never fail to give to God what is already His, which brings me to the next principle we learned.
Our money is not ours…it’s God’s. He gave it to us, and He can take it away. We need to strive to be good stewards over our money and honor Him with our purchases and our attitudes toward our money. I have heard before and Max reiterated the point that God wants to give so we will give. He wants the money to just flow through us to do His work. Sure we can pay our bills and provide for our family, but when we find someone in need (which isn’t very hard), or the Lord places it on our hearts to give above our tithes and offerings, we need to be willing to obey Him. He who gives generously will reap generously. (2 Corinthians 9:6) and Proverbs 22:9 says “he who is generous will be blessed.”
Max also brought up the power of compound interest. (I am by no means and expert in this area.) If we invest our money in successful vehicles of return, we will reap a reward later. Just as your credit card purchase of $1000 would take 16 years to pay off if you were just paying a minimum of 2% because of the compounding interest. So, your $1000 would at least double. (Don’t know what the exact figure is.) Your money gain will function the same way. Even though the market is very uneasy right now, as long as the Lord tarries and the market recovers, this will allow our money to grow again. Patience is the key with investing.
Friday, October 10, 2008
Week 5- Four Basic Needs of Men/Women
Last week we covered the different needs of women and men. We split up into two groups last week and the women covered the 4 basic needs of a man:
Honor
Sex
Kindred Fellowship/ Companionship
Domestic Support
I won’t share the juicy details of what the women talked about, but rest assured men, that every lady in the class expressed her desire and commitment to meet her husband’s needs.
As for what the guys discussed, they talked about the weather, cars, and ….oh wait…that must have been a front. J They discussed the 4 basic needs of a woman:
Security
Non-Sexual Affection
Open Communication
Leadership
As a woman, I can agree that if a woman feels that she is her husband’s one and only, she is hugged and held often without leading to the bedroom (not that she won’t willingly take you there at times), lovingly talked to and genuinely listened to, and is led to the feet of Jesus by her husband, then she will be a happy wife!!! And as a Christian comic once said, “Happy wife, happy life!” LOL!!!! However, as both spouses learn to meet their spouse’s needs, we will BOTH begin to reap the benefits.
As for the husband’s point of view, I can offer only my advice to wives from my experience with my husband. When we speak honor to our husbands, they will eat it up and keep coming back for more. If we offer to meet their sexual needs with excitement (because, ladies, it is a need not a want for men), if enjoy spending time watching football just to be with our husbands (or whatever hobby he has) and are regularly having fun, and if we are creating a home in which he wants to come home to, then we are actively taking steps to win the hearts of our husbands day by day. It will only become more exciting and enticing to be married to the most wonderful man in the world (that is of course my husband…but I hope that is what you feel about yours too!)
Ok, so this Sunday, we will be discussing the topic of Finances, and if you have been married for any time at all, you know that this can create friction in your marriage. This weekend will teach us Biblical principles on which to base all of our financial decisions upon.
Honor
Sex
Kindred Fellowship/ Companionship
Domestic Support
I won’t share the juicy details of what the women talked about, but rest assured men, that every lady in the class expressed her desire and commitment to meet her husband’s needs.
As for what the guys discussed, they talked about the weather, cars, and ….oh wait…that must have been a front. J They discussed the 4 basic needs of a woman:
Security
Non-Sexual Affection
Open Communication
Leadership
As a woman, I can agree that if a woman feels that she is her husband’s one and only, she is hugged and held often without leading to the bedroom (not that she won’t willingly take you there at times), lovingly talked to and genuinely listened to, and is led to the feet of Jesus by her husband, then she will be a happy wife!!! And as a Christian comic once said, “Happy wife, happy life!” LOL!!!! However, as both spouses learn to meet their spouse’s needs, we will BOTH begin to reap the benefits.
As for the husband’s point of view, I can offer only my advice to wives from my experience with my husband. When we speak honor to our husbands, they will eat it up and keep coming back for more. If we offer to meet their sexual needs with excitement (because, ladies, it is a need not a want for men), if enjoy spending time watching football just to be with our husbands (or whatever hobby he has) and are regularly having fun, and if we are creating a home in which he wants to come home to, then we are actively taking steps to win the hearts of our husbands day by day. It will only become more exciting and enticing to be married to the most wonderful man in the world (that is of course my husband…but I hope that is what you feel about yours too!)
Ok, so this Sunday, we will be discussing the topic of Finances, and if you have been married for any time at all, you know that this can create friction in your marriage. This weekend will teach us Biblical principles on which to base all of our financial decisions upon.
Friday, October 3, 2008
Week 3 & 4: Communication Continued...
Ok...So I haven't updated last week what went on in our last class, so I will combine what we talked about in class last weekend and the weekend prior.
So we have continued our discussion on communication. The week before last we covered some negative communication habits including attacking and defending, manipulating, and stuffing. We talked about how when we attack and defend we avoid the truth. When our spouse approaches us with a concern, if we are guilty of attacking, we might respond to their comment about, "When are you going to mow the lawn?" with "Geese, you never give me time to relax!" Instead of answering the often innocent question that they are asking, we might respond in a way that assumes that they are attacking us; our character, behavior, or attitude. A more responsive, not reactive, answer to the question might be, "Oh honey, I have had a really rough week and really to relax. Why don't we see if we could pay the neighbor's kid and we can go out tomorrow night?" Often, as I have heard in Emmerson Eggerich's book, Love and Respect, he talks about how couples get in the "crazy cycle" in which we respond to our spouse's negative behavior with our own negative behavior and it just becomes a viscious cycle. SOMEONE has to break it. Manipulation is another negative communication patter in which we say things to get our way, whether hurtful or positive. John and I were watching a tv show in which the couple was on the brink of divorce and the had a weekend to figure out if they wanted to remain married. The husband was a compulsive liar and the wife had begun to realize that. He made attempt after attempt to "say" something that would make her change her mind about the separation. Sadly, they did not make it (in the show at least), but he finally did realize that he could not use his words to manipulate his wife. We need to realize that we are each our own person and that getting married did not give us the authority or ability to change our spouse. Only God can do that for each of us when we are yeilded to Him. By using manipulating words, such as "you should", or "you must", or giving your spouse ultimatums or "if you love me" type of statements, we only push our spouses away or cause them to lose their personality and take on a behavior that will please you, out of bitterness or fear, not love. Stuffing was another negative habit in which one holds their feelings inside. Instead of rocking the boat, the throw the cargo in the hold. This feels like things are being forgiven or forgotten, but in reality, they are just being stored away only to come out when the storage space has run out. Even though we feel that we are loving our spouse by not "complaining", we are actually withholding truth from our spouse. Perhaps we feel that when our spouse does not call us from work, they are not thinking about us during the day, and begin to feel hurt. If we do not address this feeling with our spouse, we could conitue to harbor hurt and negative feelings toward our spouse for this and without realizing it, we may distance ourself from them. It could be that our spouse doesn't call us because they do not want to get us in trouble at work and are looking out for us. If we were to tell our spouse, it could be such and easy fix as them knowing that they can call us during the work day, and in knowing this, could avoid a lot of assumptions and hurt.
Last week we touched on men's need for honor and women's need for love. When a wife begins to show her husband honor in the way she treats him and the way she talks to him, his deepest need is met, and he will inadvertantly respond to his wife in a loving manner...eventually. This works the same the other way around. If we love and honor our spouse and make them feel comfortable in bringing their complaints to us, then they will be able to recieve them in return. When we are able to approach our spouse's "customer service" counter as Jimmy described it, we let our spouse know that we are not perfect and will make adjustments for our spouse, because we know that they love "our department store." Like our own favorite store...if we are able to return or exchange if it doesn't fit, it breaks, or is just the wrong color, we WILL shop at that store more often!
Some other key things we learned are:
1. We can create the world in which we live in with our words...use the wisely and nicely
2. Resolve conflict in a positive manner- our Truth Talk
3. Identify and be willing to repent of our negative communication habits.
4. Sacrifice to spend time in conversation with our spouse...daily
5. Deal with our problems on a daily basis...do not let the sun go down on our anger.
6. Commit that divorce is NOT an option. REMOVE this word from your vocabulary.
So we have continued our discussion on communication. The week before last we covered some negative communication habits including attacking and defending, manipulating, and stuffing. We talked about how when we attack and defend we avoid the truth. When our spouse approaches us with a concern, if we are guilty of attacking, we might respond to their comment about, "When are you going to mow the lawn?" with "Geese, you never give me time to relax!" Instead of answering the often innocent question that they are asking, we might respond in a way that assumes that they are attacking us; our character, behavior, or attitude. A more responsive, not reactive, answer to the question might be, "Oh honey, I have had a really rough week and really to relax. Why don't we see if we could pay the neighbor's kid and we can go out tomorrow night?" Often, as I have heard in Emmerson Eggerich's book, Love and Respect, he talks about how couples get in the "crazy cycle" in which we respond to our spouse's negative behavior with our own negative behavior and it just becomes a viscious cycle. SOMEONE has to break it. Manipulation is another negative communication patter in which we say things to get our way, whether hurtful or positive. John and I were watching a tv show in which the couple was on the brink of divorce and the had a weekend to figure out if they wanted to remain married. The husband was a compulsive liar and the wife had begun to realize that. He made attempt after attempt to "say" something that would make her change her mind about the separation. Sadly, they did not make it (in the show at least), but he finally did realize that he could not use his words to manipulate his wife. We need to realize that we are each our own person and that getting married did not give us the authority or ability to change our spouse. Only God can do that for each of us when we are yeilded to Him. By using manipulating words, such as "you should", or "you must", or giving your spouse ultimatums or "if you love me" type of statements, we only push our spouses away or cause them to lose their personality and take on a behavior that will please you, out of bitterness or fear, not love. Stuffing was another negative habit in which one holds their feelings inside. Instead of rocking the boat, the throw the cargo in the hold. This feels like things are being forgiven or forgotten, but in reality, they are just being stored away only to come out when the storage space has run out. Even though we feel that we are loving our spouse by not "complaining", we are actually withholding truth from our spouse. Perhaps we feel that when our spouse does not call us from work, they are not thinking about us during the day, and begin to feel hurt. If we do not address this feeling with our spouse, we could conitue to harbor hurt and negative feelings toward our spouse for this and without realizing it, we may distance ourself from them. It could be that our spouse doesn't call us because they do not want to get us in trouble at work and are looking out for us. If we were to tell our spouse, it could be such and easy fix as them knowing that they can call us during the work day, and in knowing this, could avoid a lot of assumptions and hurt.
Last week we touched on men's need for honor and women's need for love. When a wife begins to show her husband honor in the way she treats him and the way she talks to him, his deepest need is met, and he will inadvertantly respond to his wife in a loving manner...eventually. This works the same the other way around. If we love and honor our spouse and make them feel comfortable in bringing their complaints to us, then they will be able to recieve them in return. When we are able to approach our spouse's "customer service" counter as Jimmy described it, we let our spouse know that we are not perfect and will make adjustments for our spouse, because we know that they love "our department store." Like our own favorite store...if we are able to return or exchange if it doesn't fit, it breaks, or is just the wrong color, we WILL shop at that store more often!
Some other key things we learned are:
1. We can create the world in which we live in with our words...use the wisely and nicely
2. Resolve conflict in a positive manner- our Truth Talk
3. Identify and be willing to repent of our negative communication habits.
4. Sacrifice to spend time in conversation with our spouse...daily
5. Deal with our problems on a daily basis...do not let the sun go down on our anger.
6. Commit that divorce is NOT an option. REMOVE this word from your vocabulary.
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
Marriage Breakfast Club: Week 2
Communication is the key!
This week we covered Chapter 17 which was about communication. Apparently because this is such a key in marriage, we will be covering this topic for the next 2 or 3 weeks.
In the book that we are covering, Marriage on the Rock, Jimmy Evans says this about communication, “Communication is the bridge that connects the lives of two people making free access to the other person’s hearts and mind possible.”
We learned about the power of our words. That they have the power to build up or destroy. Proverbs 18:21 says that “the power of life and death are in the tonuge.” We have the ability in the context of marriage to lift our spouse up and encourage or beat them down and abuse them with our words. As one of Jimmy Evans’ seminars he made the profound statement that “words are NOT evaporative.” When we speak something to our spouse, we are “planting a seed” into their life and either positive fruits will grow or destruction will come about.
Suzanne’s show-and-tell consisted of different of seeds, including the seed of a habanero pepper which she could only hold with rubber gloves, She told the story of her daughter cooking with different peppers and once used the habanero and for a week could not remove the burn from their hands. Like this seed, our words can leave a “burn” that can be hard if not impossible to remove. When we speak hatefully towards our spouse or are just trying to establish our position or “rightness”, we can leave our spouses feeling hurt and vulnerable. We should create a “safe place” for our spouses to come to discuss their thoughts, feelings, and dreams.
As women, we are emotionally immodest and physically modest, where men are the exact opposite. Women can share ANYTHING with just about ANYONE! We can share our life story with the telemarketer from AT&T, however it takes a safe place for us to open up sexually to our husbands. Women need to know that they are loved and protected. Men can open up sexually at the drop of a hat, literally, where they must feel that their wife’s respect their need for confidentiality and trust. Men feel betrayed when their wives blab to their friends about their “soft side.” Just this evening, I was watching an episode of “Everybody Loves Raymond”, Raymond had written a eulogy for his father and in it he described a story about how he caught his tough father petting a pet bunny every night. Raymond left this out and his mother found it and thought it was sweet, so she shared it with her friends because she thought it was cute. Well in the end, Raymond’s dad found out about it the eulogy and denied the whole thing while reaffirming his family and taunting friends that he was a tough guy and had not actually done what Raymond thought he had seen as a young child.
This is exactly what women are guilty of very often. We take the time to cultivate our relationship with our husbands and the second he opens up, we run to our friends and we blab about this personal, for-our-ears-only information. When our husbands realize that this has happened, they feel that their trust has been betrayed and they will be less likely to open up in the future.
Now as for husbands, women are motivated by conversation. The woman’s need for open communication is as great as your need for sex. If you often dismiss your wife when she wants to talk or share your “feelings” with her, it is the same rejection that you feel when she rolls over night after night with a “headache”…(although, sometimes, we do have headaches). She needs communication to feel connected and when there is a lack of it, she can feel shut off and rejected by her best friend.
We learned how to have a “truth talk”which consisted of:
1. Caring about your spouse’s feelings- realizing that first, the issue is not the issue. Your spouse’s feelings about the issue IS the issue. Once we can understand them, we can reach resolution (not necessarily agreement, but a resolution)
2. Feelings are not right or wrong. They just are and can’t be judged.
3. Make a decision to set your need to be right aside
4. Choose body language that reflects care and respect
5. Begin the talk with affirmation and praise. DO NOT focus on what is “wrong” with
your spouse.
6. Listen with the goal of understanding your spouse’s feelings
7. Speak the truth in love and make your goal openness through intimate conversation.
Try using this technique while discussing a “area of particular uneasiness” with your spouse, even if it feels methodical while going through these steps. This will help diffuse any anger or defensiveness that might come up in a usual “discussion”.
This week we covered Chapter 17 which was about communication. Apparently because this is such a key in marriage, we will be covering this topic for the next 2 or 3 weeks.
In the book that we are covering, Marriage on the Rock, Jimmy Evans says this about communication, “Communication is the bridge that connects the lives of two people making free access to the other person’s hearts and mind possible.”
We learned about the power of our words. That they have the power to build up or destroy. Proverbs 18:21 says that “the power of life and death are in the tonuge.” We have the ability in the context of marriage to lift our spouse up and encourage or beat them down and abuse them with our words. As one of Jimmy Evans’ seminars he made the profound statement that “words are NOT evaporative.” When we speak something to our spouse, we are “planting a seed” into their life and either positive fruits will grow or destruction will come about.
Suzanne’s show-and-tell consisted of different of seeds, including the seed of a habanero pepper which she could only hold with rubber gloves, She told the story of her daughter cooking with different peppers and once used the habanero and for a week could not remove the burn from their hands. Like this seed, our words can leave a “burn” that can be hard if not impossible to remove. When we speak hatefully towards our spouse or are just trying to establish our position or “rightness”, we can leave our spouses feeling hurt and vulnerable. We should create a “safe place” for our spouses to come to discuss their thoughts, feelings, and dreams.
As women, we are emotionally immodest and physically modest, where men are the exact opposite. Women can share ANYTHING with just about ANYONE! We can share our life story with the telemarketer from AT&T, however it takes a safe place for us to open up sexually to our husbands. Women need to know that they are loved and protected. Men can open up sexually at the drop of a hat, literally, where they must feel that their wife’s respect their need for confidentiality and trust. Men feel betrayed when their wives blab to their friends about their “soft side.” Just this evening, I was watching an episode of “Everybody Loves Raymond”, Raymond had written a eulogy for his father and in it he described a story about how he caught his tough father petting a pet bunny every night. Raymond left this out and his mother found it and thought it was sweet, so she shared it with her friends because she thought it was cute. Well in the end, Raymond’s dad found out about it the eulogy and denied the whole thing while reaffirming his family and taunting friends that he was a tough guy and had not actually done what Raymond thought he had seen as a young child.
This is exactly what women are guilty of very often. We take the time to cultivate our relationship with our husbands and the second he opens up, we run to our friends and we blab about this personal, for-our-ears-only information. When our husbands realize that this has happened, they feel that their trust has been betrayed and they will be less likely to open up in the future.
Now as for husbands, women are motivated by conversation. The woman’s need for open communication is as great as your need for sex. If you often dismiss your wife when she wants to talk or share your “feelings” with her, it is the same rejection that you feel when she rolls over night after night with a “headache”…(although, sometimes, we do have headaches). She needs communication to feel connected and when there is a lack of it, she can feel shut off and rejected by her best friend.
We learned how to have a “truth talk”which consisted of:
1. Caring about your spouse’s feelings- realizing that first, the issue is not the issue. Your spouse’s feelings about the issue IS the issue. Once we can understand them, we can reach resolution (not necessarily agreement, but a resolution)
2. Feelings are not right or wrong. They just are and can’t be judged.
3. Make a decision to set your need to be right aside
4. Choose body language that reflects care and respect
5. Begin the talk with affirmation and praise. DO NOT focus on what is “wrong” with
your spouse.
6. Listen with the goal of understanding your spouse’s feelings
7. Speak the truth in love and make your goal openness through intimate conversation.
Try using this technique while discussing a “area of particular uneasiness” with your spouse, even if it feels methodical while going through these steps. This will help diffuse any anger or defensiveness that might come up in a usual “discussion”.
Friday, September 12, 2008
Hard Times...Good God!
I mean to post this yesterday, but didn’t have the chance.
Yesterday was a rough day for me. I had to take my husband to the hospital for the second time in less than a week, only this time they admitted him. Now, after two weeks, going on three, “Nurse Jackie” gets a break. I’ve been thinking since all of these complications have occurred, how much our marriage has grown in the last year. I look back and we have been through a lot of tough stuff. Being 26 and dealing with major health issues can really put restrictions on your life; physically, emotionally, spiritually, and for sure financially…BUT through it all the Lord has been our focus (at least we try to make Him that). How much we can grow as a couple in the hard times, if we just allow the Lord to do His work. I am thankful today that we have gone through this…not thankful for the sickness, but thankful that when things have gotten tough, it has only pulled us closer together and strengthened our faith. I look at it this way…when we are saved, sometimes the Lord allows a time of great protection, where we are not faced with such serious situations in life, to build our faith up in Him. However, when we are tested in our faith, we can see so much growth in our lives if we use those opportunities to exercise our trust. Just as Jesus “passed the test” when He was tempted in the wilderness, His life fulfilled the purpose that He was created for with so much power. When we are faced with uncomfortable and even painful situations, we too can see our witness to others grow in power, because those around us begin to see that we our conversion is “real.” Well, the same thing happens in marriage. When we are faced with difficult situations, the loss of a job, sickness, etc, we can choose one of two reactions: cling to one another and look to the Lord and allow the situation to change us, or fall into the temptation of relying on own strength and in turn push others and the Lord away. It becomes very easy to get frustrated with one another and with the Lord even. We can begin to blame others for our circumstances and lose sight of our purpose in life. That’s exactly what Jesus did….He was tempted just like us, but proved to us, that we too can conquer the plans of the enemy and see great things come from our circumstances. Consider this: A family loses a child. As enormous of a loss this is, if the family trusts in the Lord through this, turning their pain, frustration, and heartache over to Him daily, after time, the Lord can heal their hearts and give them hope. Many times, those are the people that the Lord uses to console and minister to those going through the same thing. (I am particularly reminded of Stephen Curtis Chapman and the loss of their adopted little girl.)
Today, I look at my marriage with John and I see a relationship strengthened with the cords of love and commitment. I look at what we have gone through, and I am reminded that when we trust the Lord daily and we live in constant fellowship with one another and the Lord, our marriages and our relationship with the Lord can be fruitful and enjoyable. Our marriage today is much stronger, not due to the fun we have (although there is definitely a lot of that!), but I think due to the hard times that we have endured that have made us realize that our marriage is a commitment and a covenant, not just a feeling of love and happiness, because sometimes, we aren’t “happy.” Sometimes we are disappointed, frustrated, sick, or mad, but if we don’t lash out at each other or avoid one another and trust and pray that the Lord will be present in our circumstances, we can actually make it through these difficulties and live to tell about it! Blessings to everyone…especially those who are in the line of Mr. Ike.
Yesterday was a rough day for me. I had to take my husband to the hospital for the second time in less than a week, only this time they admitted him. Now, after two weeks, going on three, “Nurse Jackie” gets a break. I’ve been thinking since all of these complications have occurred, how much our marriage has grown in the last year. I look back and we have been through a lot of tough stuff. Being 26 and dealing with major health issues can really put restrictions on your life; physically, emotionally, spiritually, and for sure financially…BUT through it all the Lord has been our focus (at least we try to make Him that). How much we can grow as a couple in the hard times, if we just allow the Lord to do His work. I am thankful today that we have gone through this…not thankful for the sickness, but thankful that when things have gotten tough, it has only pulled us closer together and strengthened our faith. I look at it this way…when we are saved, sometimes the Lord allows a time of great protection, where we are not faced with such serious situations in life, to build our faith up in Him. However, when we are tested in our faith, we can see so much growth in our lives if we use those opportunities to exercise our trust. Just as Jesus “passed the test” when He was tempted in the wilderness, His life fulfilled the purpose that He was created for with so much power. When we are faced with uncomfortable and even painful situations, we too can see our witness to others grow in power, because those around us begin to see that we our conversion is “real.” Well, the same thing happens in marriage. When we are faced with difficult situations, the loss of a job, sickness, etc, we can choose one of two reactions: cling to one another and look to the Lord and allow the situation to change us, or fall into the temptation of relying on own strength and in turn push others and the Lord away. It becomes very easy to get frustrated with one another and with the Lord even. We can begin to blame others for our circumstances and lose sight of our purpose in life. That’s exactly what Jesus did….He was tempted just like us, but proved to us, that we too can conquer the plans of the enemy and see great things come from our circumstances. Consider this: A family loses a child. As enormous of a loss this is, if the family trusts in the Lord through this, turning their pain, frustration, and heartache over to Him daily, after time, the Lord can heal their hearts and give them hope. Many times, those are the people that the Lord uses to console and minister to those going through the same thing. (I am particularly reminded of Stephen Curtis Chapman and the loss of their adopted little girl.)
Today, I look at my marriage with John and I see a relationship strengthened with the cords of love and commitment. I look at what we have gone through, and I am reminded that when we trust the Lord daily and we live in constant fellowship with one another and the Lord, our marriages and our relationship with the Lord can be fruitful and enjoyable. Our marriage today is much stronger, not due to the fun we have (although there is definitely a lot of that!), but I think due to the hard times that we have endured that have made us realize that our marriage is a commitment and a covenant, not just a feeling of love and happiness, because sometimes, we aren’t “happy.” Sometimes we are disappointed, frustrated, sick, or mad, but if we don’t lash out at each other or avoid one another and trust and pray that the Lord will be present in our circumstances, we can actually make it through these difficulties and live to tell about it! Blessings to everyone…especially those who are in the line of Mr. Ike.
Monday, September 8, 2008
Welcome to the Marriage Breakfast Club!
Welcome to the Marriage Breakfast Club Blogspot.
Come in and stay a while as we discuss the meaning of marriage along with highlights from our weekly marriage class hosted by Blood-N-Fire Ministries in Dallas, TX.
Marriage was created to be a blessing. For those of you who don’t feel that way….keep reading!!!
At some point in your life, you have dreamed about meeting the Mr./Mrs. Right, your soul mate. If you are a girl, then you probably thought about this at least 20 times a day and mistakenly thought that you had met “the ONE” by second grade, only to find him holding hands and passing notes to your BEST FRIEND. Now you are probably at the point in the “dating game” as someone in our class described it, where you are/or were in search of someone to fill your deepest needs, someone who will watch football and LIKE IT, or someone who will send you flowers and box of chocolates just because they love you and don’t care how much you gain from eating them all at once. Whether you are single or married, you can have this mindset. Sounds a little selfish, huh? It all becomes about finding someone to make you happy, and as our pastor’s wife said, if you can’t be happy when you are single, then you SURE won’t be happy when you are married. Now, I am sure that those of us who are married, don’t intentionally go into marriage seeking that…instead we just want to spend every waking moment making this person happy. But, when we begin redeeming those little gift cards we got in the mail, once that knot is tied tight, disappointment slowly creeps in. As a woman, we realize that our Mr. Right doesn’t want to decorate our bedroom in flowers and enough candles to light the entire neighborhood, and he realizes that Mrs. Right tends to be opinionated and bossy when deciding that the see-through frog toilet lid is neither funny nor trendy, and that the fuscia color scheme will best suit “their” style. This is when something begins to rise up in us that wants to grab that toilet seat and say, “Well, that is what I want”, but we just silence that animal and say, ”Ok, dear. Anything for you,” only fearing that eventually everything will be for her/him. So how do we stop this vicious cycle, which is exactly what it becomes?
Each of us are born with a sinful nature that at its core seeks to meet its own desires. Life becomes about Me, Myself, and I. Until we are born-again into the Spirit of the Living God, through salvation with Jesus Christ, we are bound to this nature. But, if you have been set free and have the Holy Spirit living inside of you, you are no longer a slave to yourself. Romans talks about how we are not under the law of sin any longer, but that we are set free to live by the law of love. Look at it this way. When your mother tells you to stay out of the cookies, that is all you can think about…mmm…how good would a morsel of that yummy goodness be?? And the more you think about it, the more you want it, and the warning from your mother begins to fuel the fire, because you begin to think…”She knows how good they are and she just wants to keep them all to herself!”, not rationally thinking about the fact that you are about to eat and how she doesn’t want you to spoil your dinner. That is the law. However, when Jesus came to set us free, he placed His Holy Spirit inside of us and we begin to love the Lord, because He loved us when we were unlovable. Now, the love of God was spread abroad in our hearts and our actions become motivated by the love for God. Now, we walk into that kitchen, and as we see those freshly baked cookies mom just pulled out of the oven, we think about the last stomach ache we had from eating cookies before dinner and we realize that when our mother warned us long ago, it was because she was looking out for our little tummies. We remember that our mom always gives us a cookie after dinner so we walk past them for a hug instead.
This is the kind of love that should be active in our marriage. For those of you who think that you have a right to have your needs met and you will only, at that point return the favor to your spouse, you are thinking, as my pastor’s wife described, with a “contract” mindset. Protect your rights and limit your responsibilities. But God, knowing how evil and unlovable we were, out of a “covenantal love” sent his Son to sacrifice his life. He gave away His rights as GOD (as he came to earth as a human) and took responsibility for our sins, dying on the cross and wipe out our sins with His precious blood. Having been freed from sin and the law, we should respond back to Him in that same covenant and give up our self-proclaimed rights and take responsibility to live a life that pleases him…out of LOVE. So, just as we married our spouses because we loved them, we should live our lives in this same manner; giving of ourselves, submitting to one another, and taking responsibility for our flaws, insecurities, and mistakes. This frees us to be committed, connected, and conquerable. Now, every wall that begins to go up can be brought down with our love for one another and more importantly for the Lord.
You see the thing is, when we give of ourselves unselfishly, out of love to our spouse, they will eventually return the favor. We went to a Jimmy Evans conference once, and he said that if a husband wanted his wife to be more intimate with him, that he should serve her in a way that speaks her language. (We will eventually get to what that language consists of). Eventually, a payoff will come. Now, this doesn’t mean that we should serve out of an expectation of a night when our needs alone are met, but out of love, serving one another, sacrificing our needs for our spouse’s. The law has become love. We no longer “give in”, we just give. And the Bible says, he who gives, should give generously.
So, take the time this week to examine your marriage and ask yourself if your,"Is my marriage based on a contract or covenant?" If it is contract, then ask the Lord to teach you "all things", to show you how to love your spouse convenantaly, just as the Lord Jesus Christ loves you. Find ways to out-give your spouse, and remind them that you are commited to them and of your love for them.
God Bless!!!
Come in and stay a while as we discuss the meaning of marriage along with highlights from our weekly marriage class hosted by Blood-N-Fire Ministries in Dallas, TX.
Marriage was created to be a blessing. For those of you who don’t feel that way….keep reading!!!
At some point in your life, you have dreamed about meeting the Mr./Mrs. Right, your soul mate. If you are a girl, then you probably thought about this at least 20 times a day and mistakenly thought that you had met “the ONE” by second grade, only to find him holding hands and passing notes to your BEST FRIEND. Now you are probably at the point in the “dating game” as someone in our class described it, where you are/or were in search of someone to fill your deepest needs, someone who will watch football and LIKE IT, or someone who will send you flowers and box of chocolates just because they love you and don’t care how much you gain from eating them all at once. Whether you are single or married, you can have this mindset. Sounds a little selfish, huh? It all becomes about finding someone to make you happy, and as our pastor’s wife said, if you can’t be happy when you are single, then you SURE won’t be happy when you are married. Now, I am sure that those of us who are married, don’t intentionally go into marriage seeking that…instead we just want to spend every waking moment making this person happy. But, when we begin redeeming those little gift cards we got in the mail, once that knot is tied tight, disappointment slowly creeps in. As a woman, we realize that our Mr. Right doesn’t want to decorate our bedroom in flowers and enough candles to light the entire neighborhood, and he realizes that Mrs. Right tends to be opinionated and bossy when deciding that the see-through frog toilet lid is neither funny nor trendy, and that the fuscia color scheme will best suit “their” style. This is when something begins to rise up in us that wants to grab that toilet seat and say, “Well, that is what I want”, but we just silence that animal and say, ”Ok, dear. Anything for you,” only fearing that eventually everything will be for her/him. So how do we stop this vicious cycle, which is exactly what it becomes?
Each of us are born with a sinful nature that at its core seeks to meet its own desires. Life becomes about Me, Myself, and I. Until we are born-again into the Spirit of the Living God, through salvation with Jesus Christ, we are bound to this nature. But, if you have been set free and have the Holy Spirit living inside of you, you are no longer a slave to yourself. Romans talks about how we are not under the law of sin any longer, but that we are set free to live by the law of love. Look at it this way. When your mother tells you to stay out of the cookies, that is all you can think about…mmm…how good would a morsel of that yummy goodness be?? And the more you think about it, the more you want it, and the warning from your mother begins to fuel the fire, because you begin to think…”She knows how good they are and she just wants to keep them all to herself!”, not rationally thinking about the fact that you are about to eat and how she doesn’t want you to spoil your dinner. That is the law. However, when Jesus came to set us free, he placed His Holy Spirit inside of us and we begin to love the Lord, because He loved us when we were unlovable. Now, the love of God was spread abroad in our hearts and our actions become motivated by the love for God. Now, we walk into that kitchen, and as we see those freshly baked cookies mom just pulled out of the oven, we think about the last stomach ache we had from eating cookies before dinner and we realize that when our mother warned us long ago, it was because she was looking out for our little tummies. We remember that our mom always gives us a cookie after dinner so we walk past them for a hug instead.
This is the kind of love that should be active in our marriage. For those of you who think that you have a right to have your needs met and you will only, at that point return the favor to your spouse, you are thinking, as my pastor’s wife described, with a “contract” mindset. Protect your rights and limit your responsibilities. But God, knowing how evil and unlovable we were, out of a “covenantal love” sent his Son to sacrifice his life. He gave away His rights as GOD (as he came to earth as a human) and took responsibility for our sins, dying on the cross and wipe out our sins with His precious blood. Having been freed from sin and the law, we should respond back to Him in that same covenant and give up our self-proclaimed rights and take responsibility to live a life that pleases him…out of LOVE. So, just as we married our spouses because we loved them, we should live our lives in this same manner; giving of ourselves, submitting to one another, and taking responsibility for our flaws, insecurities, and mistakes. This frees us to be committed, connected, and conquerable. Now, every wall that begins to go up can be brought down with our love for one another and more importantly for the Lord.
You see the thing is, when we give of ourselves unselfishly, out of love to our spouse, they will eventually return the favor. We went to a Jimmy Evans conference once, and he said that if a husband wanted his wife to be more intimate with him, that he should serve her in a way that speaks her language. (We will eventually get to what that language consists of). Eventually, a payoff will come. Now, this doesn’t mean that we should serve out of an expectation of a night when our needs alone are met, but out of love, serving one another, sacrificing our needs for our spouse’s. The law has become love. We no longer “give in”, we just give. And the Bible says, he who gives, should give generously.
So, take the time this week to examine your marriage and ask yourself if your,"Is my marriage based on a contract or covenant?" If it is contract, then ask the Lord to teach you "all things", to show you how to love your spouse convenantaly, just as the Lord Jesus Christ loves you. Find ways to out-give your spouse, and remind them that you are commited to them and of your love for them.
God Bless!!!
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